so i know i talk alot. alot. and i really think it drowns out my true thoughts. i know that if i sit in silence more often i can hear those thoughts a bit clearer.. but silence and slowing down my life has always been a difficult task for me. and funny enough, having a baby has literally forced me to slow down, but in a different way. i feel busier and yet at the same time forced to slow down because of the huge amount of stress that i built upon myself. not only am i going out less often, and going to bed earlier, but i have been forced to isolate myself more often... to spend time alone, whether it is getting out of bed earlier or heading to the coffee shop when someone takes my son for an hour or two. earlier on i found it hard to leave john with someone, but after i did a few times i saw the benefits of the alone time.. whether or not i spent it wisely or not. whether i used the time - in silence - or online or reading. it was still a break from the crying and the demanded attention. this morning i got out of bed just before 6am. my cat was meowing outside my bedroom for some breakfast.. (usually its the other cat nipping at our hands/feet/licking my face/meowing to get our attention for breakfast) and either cat has the potential for waking john, so before he gets woke up, one of us get out of bed to attend to the cats. so back on track, this morning i got out of bed just before 6am to the meow's of my cat. i fed her and then made some coffee for myself. i like to read my bible in the morning.. and most mornings i plow through, trying to get in as much as i can before the baby wakes up. but today i just read one page... and it really spoke to me.. i read it a few more times. mostly it was to do with sitting in silence. and listening to God. about when you are in the dark, you are to listen, not to speak.. because if you speak, you will speak in the wrong mood. and it says dont speak to people about it, don't read books, just sit and listen.
now being a parent, there is so much advice out there - books, internet and people. and its all so different... and if you want to make the right choice - what is it??? if so much of the advice opposes eachother how can you make the right one for yourself? and for your baby? so as hard as it is.. i really need to listen to God.. i need to shut out the noise and listen in silence.. for the purpose of hearing my thoughts and hearing God. in society these days, its so go,go,go and so hard to fight against it... although there are people who do just that, but isn't it easier to go with the flow? i think it would be healthy to find a balance between the two. fight against it and go with the flow. hmmm.